Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
