Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
