I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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