I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
do herpes really smell.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
