Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
