im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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