omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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