I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
