Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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