I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
