I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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