Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
