he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
