i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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