i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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