its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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