Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
