So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
