I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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