hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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