Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
