So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
