I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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