T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
