i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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