I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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