I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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