Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
