I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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