If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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