the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
