No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
