Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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