508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize