my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
