you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
