physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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