not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
