Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
