I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
