Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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