Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
