Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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