I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
