I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it hurts more in the daytime
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
