This is not my ceiling
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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