do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
