It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
