I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
