You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
