Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
