Me. At least after what I've been through.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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