STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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