I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
